Monday March 7th, 2016

Yesterday was the day for the boats to all slosh across the harbour to find shelter from the NNE to East winds that will blow over 20 and gust 25 all week.  It was a day to watch the anchor dance. Anchoring is easy to mess up. So many things to think about. Most of the boaters I secretly call idiots or verbally call idiots drop their hooks where their boat should end up laying and wonder what happened when they pay out their rode and they end up too close. I am reasonably tolerant of idiots. I don’t engage unless the potential for a mishap is high or ML tells me to.

Good example of level two posture and facial expression

There are several levels of engaging with an idiot or in the worse case an asshole. The first is you sit in the cockpit and stare at them. When they glance back at you it is vital that you do not break off your stare. This will work on the borderline idiots about 30% of the time. So, not very effective. Almost always you have to escalate to level two. Level two requires you to stand at the bow of your vessel with arms folded with a very stern look on your face while staring at the idiot or worse case asshole. This works about 40% of the time and the newly badly anchored vessel will move over and the dance will be repeated with another boater who was perfectly anchored.

Sixty percent of the time you will have to escalate to level three. This requires a combination of the first two levels; staring and on the bow arms folded (when not gesticulating wildly) and screaming all manner of things about the offending boat, their politics and their religion. After the idiot introduces himself as the Baptist preacher from Boise Idaho, his grandchildren and his mother etc. the discussion will continue. “What did I do wrong”? Not everyone knows what geometry or physics even are. It is tough to teach an idiot these subjects from the bow of your boat. “How much chain do you have out”? you ask. “I don’t know” the preacher responds. “So, where will you be when the wind pipes up to 25kts and clocks 90° in the middle of the night” you ask? “Asleep, I hope” the preacher says, now sporting a mouth breather look I loathe. Repeat level three!!

Most cases will require you to move when conditions start to deteriorate or the potential incident that would be the fault of the idiot or asshole is about to occur. This means you have to move when conditions are shitty and you put your boat at risk. Welcome to cruising.

Reference material: happy hooker

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