September’s 16th

Hold up your hand if you believe that a sandwich requires a slice of bread as a base and a top. Ok, I just realized how silly you are holding up your hand… so, lower your hands. The Googlizer defines a sandwich thus;

  • two or more slices of bread or a split roll having a filling in between
  • one slice of bread covered with food

My problem is I’m dieting and I’m calorie counting with an app called loseit.  An appropriate name for an app as I’m about to lose it. The bread presently in the drawer is 130 calories per slice. A simple normal sandwich would be 260 before we get to anything interesting. Logic would suggest drop one slice of bread.

I type this tome cautiously not wanting to restart the bleeding. I don’t recommend anyone attempting to slice a piece of bread into two equal thinner slices of bread, certainly not with an electric knife. I know now why ML keeps that sucker in a box. I’m left with the option of a single slab of bread sandwich or an open faced sandwich.  I think I got all the blood, does anyone know where you can get ‘luminol’.

  • One slice of bread – 130 calories
  • Margarine – 53 calories
  • Two eggs scrambled – 205
  • Sufficient ( 20 grams ) Balderson’s white cheddar (really freakin’ old or equivalent) – 87

I’ve managed to keep breakfast to under 500 calories and have a little interest. The cheese is slightly melted, oozy and sticky. Even though I was shortchanging myself one slice of bread in this sandwich I refused to skip the joy of holding it in your hand and chomping down. The first bite, oh my God. The cheese adhered to my ‘cheesy moustache’. Now I was being ripped off by my moustache. Nobody else was up so I used my tongue with reckless abandon to recover the migrating fromage.

Some of the cheese remained. I momentarily thought about the fine comb I use to occasionally comb the ‘stache. Simply washing the cheese out was unacceptable. This was my cheese judicially apportioned for my breakfast.

I could have avoided all this trauma if I had only folded over the one slice of bread. This would have protected my facial fur from the cheese. But when you fold it over or cut one slice of bread into two pieces it seems to be, well smaller.

Update: Ozy got up and quickly resolved the issue for me


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