Just like little babies, everyone looks at your Christmas tree and gushes over it. Even the ugly, scraggly, deformed, spindly, and deformed ones. I’m not talking about artificial trees; they are ugly in their own way.
Today I will venture to our lot across the road and get a little tree. It will fit on top of the buffet. It will be a real tree. It will be perfect; at least that is what ML will say. The minimums for tree selection are at least one branch for every foot of height. I know you think that is a high standard, but you must have rules. The tree must also have sufficient strength to hold a bauble and a light without drooping all the way to the floor.
The purists out there will say, “You shouldn’t cut down real trees.” I consider it putting it out of its misery. I went so far as to trim and prune one that I considered a candidate for a future tree. It was too close to the road, and someone selected it before I got back to it.
It is estimated that over the typical three days of Christmas each person creates 650kg of carbon emissions.
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When we were kids, my dad would venture into the wilds and return with a tree. Think of a tree pageant: my dad out in the snow and cold spinning a tree so my mom could select a side of the tree to work with. Then he would have to drill and add branches to make the tree better. Sort of AI for Christmas tree editing.
I was in New Brunswick for my grandfather’s funeral; it was near Christmas. I remember they brought the tree in a day or so before Christmas, and it had to go out before dinner. While it thawed, the tree was being consumed by spruce budworms. I think I remember the sound of the tree being devoured before our eyes, if not our ears. Rule three: the tree must be vermin and insect-free, at least as free as possible.
According to the CBC (Trudeau’s news agency), ugly trees are de riguer this year. Not one to miss out on participating in a trend, I will try to outdo Orillia with my tree selection. Ugliest tree, table top division.
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